Shoot 'Em Up

Shoot 'Em Up is one of those movies that a guy watches and says,"YESSSS..." to, the entire time the movie is playing. It is as if the director had watched a bunch of action movies and then decided to make the most over the top one he could possibly think of. Nothing in this movie makes sense. The laws of physics do not apply. The characters are bogus, the plot diaphanous, and the stunts beyond mortal comprehension.

Suspend your disbelief at the door and you will be entertained.

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This is Madness

I can't even remember the main character's name, so we'll just call him Clive Owen. Clive Owen likes carrots. In this bizarro universe, carrots are the key to unimaginable power, so Clive Owen munches on them constantly. On this steady diet of healthy orange vegetable sticks, Mr. Owen acquires powers such as inhuman dexterity, telescopic vision, and impossibly fast reflexes. Take away his carrots and he becomes a sad bunny. With no other movie have I acquired an intense craving for carrots. Perhaps this movie should be shown to young kids everywhere so they can eat their veggies. Or perhaps not.

Clive Owen, in the first few minutes of the movie, must stop eating a carrot in order to go kick some ass. He is grumpy about this; he loves his carrots. But, in doing so, he saves a baby from being inexplicably killed by some goon with a gun. Then he realizes that a bunch of assholes want this baby dead. I still have no idea why they wanted to kill that baby; my mind would turn off everytime anybody said anything that suggested plot development. Long story short, a small army pursues Clive Owen all over the damn place. Through playgrounds, warehouses, houses of prostitution, flying through the sky, you name it. Anyways, what makes the baby special to me is that it stops crying whenever it hears hard rock. And it grins and laughs everytime it hears a gun being cocked. The baby will certainly have some serious issues once it has grown up, but you have to admit, this sounds like one badass baby.

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Wait, what?

So Clive Owen teams up with a prostitute and some carrots to fight off a ton of bad guys in the most dramatic and impossible ways in order to protect this poor, confused, badass baby. The leader of the goons... well, I can't remember his damn name either. We'll just call him John Adams. Anyways, while pursued by the second president, Clive Owen does some truly crazy shit. He slides across the room on an oil slick while shooting bad guys in all direction. He jumps out of a plane and has a shoot out with a dozen bad guys in the middle of the freaking sky. While enjoying some carrot time with his girlfriend, he is interrupted by baddies and manages to take them all out while simultaneously coaxing the lady to happy land. There is no end to the insane shenanigans that go down. Clive Owen is blessed by the gods to defend this baby with all the powers of divine vengeance, all the madness of John Woo, and all the insanity the lobby scene from The Matrix can muster.

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Conclusion

Not really sure what else I can say about this movie, to be honest. The plot is completely forgettable, but isn't necessary. This is a movie of the same caliber as Transporter II, another action film that is simply so absurd and over the top that you can't help but love it. But where the Transporter specialized in impossibly awesome fist fights, Shoot 'Em Up specializes in jaw-droppingly insane gun fights.

But don't take this movie seriously because, if you do, you are doomed to an hour and a half of brain-electrocuting nonsense. You might just lose brain cells. But, if you go into it realizing that the absurdity is the point of it, then you'll be immensely entertained. My only caveat is that the amount of vulgarity was unnecessary. I still don't understand why rated R comedies these days need to be filled to the brim with vulgar nastiness such as this. It isn't funny, it's gross. But I'm going to try not to get off topic here.

If you are a guy who appreciates action movies, this might be right up your alley. If not, I'd probably steer clear. Needless to say, this movie has given me a new appreciation for carrots.

The Godfather

Now, first off, I want to say that I have actually seen The Godfather before. It is a good movie. It is a freaking long movie. But most every part of it is chock full of detail and great acting, so multiple viewings bring new things with it each time.

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The Power of the Family

One thing that particularly caught my notice this time was the fact that what keeps the Godfather's organization together is this powerful sense of family. With this movie, you really get the impression that everyone in the Corleone family is out looking for each other's backs. They cook for each other, attend gatherings and weddings together, and watch each other's backs with unmatched dedication. While you don't see much of other organizations, you clearly get the sense that they are merely in it for the money and the power, while the Godfather is in it to provide for his family and for his own sense of justice. An example would be the offer made to him that would involve him entering the narcotics trade. Though fantastic amounts of wealth and power can be found by embracing this new industry, he elects not to because of the danger it could pose to him and his family. Sadly, this decision ends up making things more dangerous for them than they could have foreseen.

The one area where this is clearest is within the relationship the Godfather has with his youngest son, Michael Corleone. Despite the fact that Michael is incredibly smart, savvy, and skilled, the Godfather never wants him to join the family business. Despite the fact that Michael would clearly add to the power and prestige of the Corleone family, the Godfather tries to veto any of Michael's involvement in the family's dirtier affairs. This is both a powerful love and a dedication to something greater than mere wealth and power. Family.

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The Cracks in the Shield

However, I also noticed for the first time that this approach is doomed to failure in the world of the mafia. It could have been a mistake in the writing or maybe it was deliberate, but it actually makes no sense why the Corleone family should all be so dedicated, trustful, and open with each other. No less than three times throughout the movie, the Corleone family is betrayed by friends and family from within. Paulie, Tescia, and that asshole who beat his wife. Each of these people ended up causing irreperable damage to the Corleones. Yet, despite this, you never see the Corleones responding in a way that makes much sense. If I were in that scenario, I wouldn't trust anyone for a while. Tescia in particular was one of the longest standing members of the family, and if you can't trust him, you can't trust anyone.

Anyways, my point is that, while the family arms up to prepare for assaults from the outside, it is clear that the real threat is from within, and you rarely see them act in a way that would prevent internal damage. Perhaps this is a fault in the story. Or perhaps this is the way it was meant to be. We see that the family-focused approach of the Godfather is out of date and unwise. And this does lay the seeds for what becomes Michael's own approach to 'godfathering', which features an absence of trust and a focus in security and fortune above even family. It is hard to tell. But it is something I thought about while watching the movie.

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Conclusion

In case you haven't seen it already, The Godfather is a great movie about one mafia family in post-World War II America. What makes it particularly appealing is how the Godfather is portrayed as a lesser evil among a handful of worse families and worse evils. Also, the stage is set for a dichotomy between the godfathering styles of the original Godfather and his son Michael Corleone. Both of these aspects make the movie, and the trilogy, an amazing and memorable one, along with epic acting all around. If you haven't seen it, go see it, unless the concept does not have any appeal to you. If you have seen it, go see it again, because it is just that awesome.

P.S. - The cat that the Godfather holds in the first scene deserves an Oscar.

Kingdom Come

Written by Joe the Revelator

In a world grown weary of ultra-powered heroes, villains, and vigilantes, the masses of men and women no longer cheer for the passing flight of supermen. Buildings crumble and trains derail as bolts of lightening and energy are tossed around with no regard for bystanders. Citizenry flee from the clashing battles of metahumans like a besieged city being shelled. Gone are the golden age heroes, to do battle with foes while ensuring the safety of all. Chivalry is dead in the future of Kingdom Come. And in its place; collateral damage.

Written by Alex Ross and Mark Waid, and illustrated by Ross, Kingdome Come stands alone as a single prophetic comic book that dares to predict the future of DC superheroes and their successors. The story is told from the perspective of Norman McCay, a mild mannered minister, who is lead around by the invisible and all-seeing Spectre, like Scrooge and the ghost of Christmas Present.

A World on the Brink

Through McCay’s sympathetic eyes we watch the latest generation of superheroes as they wreak havoc on a society too frail to bear the weight of petty skirmishes any longer. Good and evil is not a factor. The flying, crushing, zapping, smashing demigods are organized more by tribal allegiance than like-minded moral grounds. The principals of the old go by the wayside as the biggest and best caped crusaders have retired, disappeared, or turned reclusive with age. Even Superman himself remains incognito, years after the death of Lois Lane at the hands of the Joker. Values and the preservation of life fly away on the hem of that big red cape.

The troubles of Kingdom Come narrow into focus as a relatively benign fight between super beings goes horribly wrong, resulting in an atomic explosion that decimates Kansas. The world cries for retaliation against metahumans which sparks the return of the Justice League, a group which soon abandons its role as defenders of earth to become jailors and wardens to the rebellious youthful heroes.

Not everyone is content to nod their heads to the government’s wishes though. Some don’t see the Justice League’s gulag as just, and the regulation of metahumans constitutional. Factions splinter off into opposing armies, composed of countless heroes and villains from DC’s past. Superman and his League support the prisons. Lex Luthor supports himself, backed by the villains and a mind-controlled Captain Marvel. Batman, always the skeptic, reasons that Superman’s ‘might makes right’ mentality will worsen problems. And behind the battle-royal is America herself, fed up with the struggles and championed by a fleet of nuclear missiles, which share an uncanny resemblance to Krypton’s cradle spaceships.

The Comic

Those unfamiliar with Ross may be surprised by the realism of his work. The panels stretch over the pages like paintings in an art gallery. Pin-ups and action sequences glow with nostalgia for classic characters, and wide crowd shots are packed with nods to old comic and cartoons references. Look closely and you can see the cast of Fat Albert running from Gotham City patrol bots. Or Lobo, the hard-rocking space mercenary, drinking in the foreground of a bar. Every flip of the page is a Where’s Waldo of familiar faces (or masks).

Although it isn’t totally eclipsed by the artwork, the skillful writing of Kingdom Come may take a while to sink in. The realism of the nation’s fearful reaction and the culmination of separate story strands make for one big show, but it’s juggled with narration and dialogue well enough that it doesn’t seem too far fetched. So many comic team-ups, match-ups, and blowouts strain credulity in bringing their characters together. Kingdome Come presents its cast in a way that feels matter-of-fact.

As the ‘S’ flies:

I can’t help but speculate on how many parallels there are in Kingdom Come to real life. Possibly the human reaction we have to threats we don’t understand; blow it up. Or our propensity for watching heroes rise and inevitably fall. Perhaps the graying wrinkling supermen, which are so absent, represent how we’ve treated the golden age heroes; boxed up in the attic as too cartoony, replaced by a comicbook breed of hardboiled killers and gritty heroes that eat bullets and vacation in hell.

The fact that I’m still pondering over perceived messages in Kingdom Come may testify to its fascinating concept. It’s definitely a must-read for anyone interested in the outcome of the comic strips our grandfathers grew up with. And if nothing else interests you, flip through the pretty pictures.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a movie about one of the most famous female monarchs in history, Queen Elizabeth I of England (Cate Blanchett). Why is she famous, you ask? Well apart from being one of the biggest badasses in the history of the world, she managed to do it all almost single-handedly, despite the fact that she was a woman. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with women, of course, but instead to illustrate simply how difficult it has been throughout most of human history for women to be accepted as equals of men, much less rulers over them.

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The Virgin Queen

What Elizabeth excels at is giving us a glimpse of just how damnably hard and stressful it was to be such a powerful and self-confident queen. Not only did Elizabeth have the hurdle of having to gain the respect of men who instinctively looked down on her, she also was not initially accepted as queen given the reign of Bloody Mary and the complicated fallout of Henry VIII's death (who was her father through Anne Boleyn). On top of that, in a time where Catholicism was still widely accepted, Elizabeth was a Protestant, which brought upon her a whole slew of religiously based troubles. And, as if that was not enough, other nations such as Spain and France looked upon her as a weak ruler, and sent both invasions, assassins, and diplomatic problems her way.

Part of what was excellently depicted in the film was one of Elizabeth's methods of dealing with these problems. She was popularly known as the Virgin Queen, and the reasons behind that are twofold. First, as we see in the movie, she was stalwart in her decision that she would let no man rule over her. Second, she utilized her status as a single and available woman/queen as a diplomatic weapon. When faced with trouble (or to delay future problems) from other nations, Elizabeth would invite over to England suitors and nobles from the problem nations so as to effectively convince them to back off until the suitor was inevitably refused. By seeming to promise the possibility of adding England's power to theirs through marriage, Elizabeth was able to effectively halt wars in their tracks. In the movie, we see a prime example of this in how she deals with the French invasion through Scotland. It is as entertaining as it is savvy, and impressive to watch.

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The Spymaster

But, even more than Elizabeth herself, I found my attention especially captured by one Francis Walsingham, Elizabeth's spymaster (Geoffrey Rush). Though, as with much else in this movie, his role is magnified for dramatic potency, what I saw of Walsingham was enough to make me want to read a biography of him. He was just that awesome.

For, whether it be true or no, Walsingham is implicitly portrayed as a big part of the brains behind Elizabeth's rule. When a young Elizabeth new to rule struggles with the complications of ruling a bankrupt England, Walsingham is taken on as an advisor who is, almost single-handedly able to help her turn their fortunes around. When Elizabeth is threatened by a French warlord invading from the north, Walsingham pretends to defect in order to get close enough to assassinate the key player. When Elizabeth needs the votes of the English bishops in order to win a crucial vote, Walsingham delays a number of bishops who would have served as opposing votes, allowing the measure to pass. Every step of the way, Walsingham is there supporting Elizabeth, often without any enouragement needed. And, if even half of what was shown in the film is true, then Walsingham was one of the trickiest, smartest, diplomats/politicians/spymasters ever.

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Conclusion

Elizabeth was a spectacular movie that was blessed by great actors in just about every role. The period looks well done and portrayed and, despite such attention devoted to detail, still manages to really make you feel for Elizabeth and empathize with her position. Hers was an incredibly difficult and lonely life, yet she managed it all with such aplomb and skill that you can't help but admire her and what she was able to do. Bringing a bankrupt, conflict-ridden England to an England powerful, stable, and great was no easy thing, particularly for a Protestant woman of uncertain succession in a time where each of these factors was controversial. Beside her every step of the way was the incredibly skilled Walsingham, portrayed both intensely and amusingly by Geoffrey Rush.

I would say that the only problematic parts of the movie have to do with my own personal biases. I thought that the movie was, at times, a bit too depressing. I also can't remember a single Catholic character portrayed positively, which seemed odd. Parts of history were taken with dramatic license, so not everything you see is true. And the romance between Elizabeth and Dudley was almost painful to watch; it was so cheesy and unbelievable. Well, I take that back, actually. I can understand Elizabeth's position with that romance; her life was so hard that something seeming out of a dream must have had great appeal. But Dudley is just romantic to the point of vomit-inducing and, also, everything about him just seems like bad news. So it isn't terribly surprising how that relationship ends. Also, it never happened historically. So, ha.

In the end, if you appreciate historical dramas, then this is one of the best. But if you are a crouching critic, hidden expert in Elizabethan-era history, then this movie will sometimes drive you up the wall.

8.5/10

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Unlike just about any movie I can remember, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus takes trippiness to a whole new level. This is a story about the fertile imagination of one Doctor Parnassus, a man who has won immortality in a bet with the devil. And it is the story of how he tries to free himself from his constant wheeling and dealing with said devil. To that end, he is helped by a strangely mysterious man, acted eccentrically by Heath Ledger. It must be pointed out that Heath Ledger died during this movie and, as a result, his role is taken over by three other famous actors (Jude Law, Johnny Depp, and Colin Farrell). Each of them did it essentially for free, giving all their wages to Heath Ledger's daughter.

As a consequence, the movie has an epic and timeless feel to it, along with a focus on the fleeting nature of life. Completely unplanned, this was to be one of the themes all along, a theme given extra staying power by Heath Ledger's unexpected death. Incredibly vivid (and incredibly random) expressions of various characters' imaginations make the film even more memorable. The quirkiness of the characters add even more icing to the cake. In the end, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a movie that sticks with you, which is always the sign of a good one. I can easily recommend this to anyone who has an open mind, and particularly to those who have a love of theater, imagination, and storytelling.

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Vivid Imagery

Part of what gives The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus such appeal is the ability the movie has to completely capture your attention and to send your own imagination soaring. Insane amounts of eye candy arises from dipping into the imaginations of the characters. Whenever someone enters the unique mirror within Parnassus' possession, they are taken to a landscape that shapes itself based upon that person's imagination. Ultimate power seems to lie within Parnassus' mind, as that is what the characters enter when they walk through the mirror, but the geography itself is created in reaction to those who enter it, not Parnassus himself. It is complicated to be sure; the uncertainty of its rules help to make the film incredibly trippy, yet similarly intoxicating to watch.

And one should never underestimate the crazy stuff that happens within this old guy's mind. Among much else, one gets to see a landscape of massive high heels and jewelry, a massive babushka, a severed head that uses its tongue like a helicopter, and a shifting mess of mirrors and broken glass. This movie will make you go, "Wait, what?" and, "Ooooh!" at the same time. And, for the most part, this is a great thing.

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Unique Characters

One other thing that made the movie magnificent for me was the oddball cast of characters that populated it. The film is centered on the travels of one theatrical troupe, and each one of them is complicated, brilliant, hilarious, and flawed in their own way. Parnassus is wise, yet easily tempted. Open-minded, yet remarkably close-minded at the same time. Heath Ledger's character, Tony, is perhaps the most confusing and complicated of them all; to the point where I wasn't quite sure whether to like him or not by the end of the movie. And there are many more besides these two, and they are each incredibly interesting to watch in their own ways.

To that end, the replacement of Heath Ledger by the other three actors turned out to be surprisingly seamless and to make sense within the story itself. Tony is duplicitous and hidden by nature, so for his face to shift within an already bizarre imaginary world didn't cause me to raise much more than an eyebrow, except with regard to seeing how these other actors did with their Heath Ledger impersonation. And, for the most part, they each pull it off with admirable aplomb. Of them all, I only felt that Colin Farrell wasn't quite at that level, and even he was still interesting to watch.

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Conclusion

In the end, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasuss is an exceedingly engrossing film about one man and his effort to win out against the wiles of the devil. Yet this is not a religious movie. God makes no appearance, and the devil turns out to be somewhat sympathetic in his own right. Instead, they create a dichotomy. Parnassus tries to win over people with the appeal of stories and the imagination whereas the devil attempts the same through appeal to addictive impulses and desires. It is a grand struggle that takes place on a very personal and (naturally) imaginary level. And it makes for a movie that is both grand and, occasionally, incredibly confusing to watch.

For the 'Imaginarium' seems to lack consistency or a predictable set of rules. Perhaps that is the point, but it creates a film that confuses as often as it delights. Some of the references and story points didn't make much sense. Tony's connection to the charity seemed rather out of the blue and, come to think of it, I'm still not sure whether Tony was a good guy or not. His status as the 'Hanged Man' seemed to mean something important, but it sure went over my head if it did.

Anyways, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is definitely worth watching. It is a beautiful movie, made especially poignant by the knowledge that, at some point in the movie, Heath Ledger won't come back again. But, be wary. This movie will make you go, "WTF?" faster than you can count if you aren't prepared for it.

8/10

Shutter Island

Written by Joe the Revelator

Another Loony Bin

The trend of using the insane asylum as a dramatic staging element has certainly seen its day, both in cinema and in novels. Horror movies, thrillers, even lighthearted comedies dip frequently into the emotional pool that is the mental hospital, almost like a card that gets drawn intermittently during the screenwriter’s madlib. It was the Federal Marshal, in the asylum, with the revolver. Martin Scorsese, writer and director of films like Casino and The Departed, puts these pieces together in just the right way.

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Teddy Daniels, a federal marshal in the mid 1950’s, following the trail of an arson case that brings him inexorably to the island mental institution; the occupants of which are all brutally violent offenders with deeply disturbed histories. Joined by a new partner played by Mark Ruffalo, it isn’t long before the marshal’s investigation gets spun on its head, with twists and revelations at every gruesome clue they stumble upon.

And there are so many clues... They practically drip from the screen. Subtle hints to the plot’s darker designs are flashed at the viewer with the rapidity of a high-speed camera. Conspicuously placed objects appear and disappear, sometimes seeming like inconsistencies in production. Key lines of dialogue are repeated, subtly echoing a madman’s ramblings. However enlightening the pieces may seem though- however shocking the protagonist’s dreams and visions become, they yet remain elusive. Unlike many thrillers that try to straddle the line between mysterious and shyly revealing only to blow the ending long before the climax, Shutter Island leaves enough of the puzzle pieces in the box to make the final twist impressive and surprising.

The soundtrack of the movie stands out remarkably, almost distracting at first with how bold its strings are. Their initial approach during the island ferry scene shakes from the foreboding score. It smooths itself out though, and blends into the scenes after those initial tooth-rattling shocks, setting a melancholy mood with classical-sounding airs that drive the audience through Teddy’s broken flashbacks.

Not since Jacob’s Ladder has there been a movie with such powerful visions of delving into a maddened mind, brief as those glimpses may be. Marshal Teddy embraces a sodden trembling woman while ashes rain down around them, her back impossibly seared to the bone like a blackened fireplace log. Allied soldiers stalk through the rail yards of a Nazi concentration camp, past mounds of bodies frozen into macabre human statues mid-winter. Nothing lasts long enough to desensitize the viewer. Each psychotic ‘episode’ serves to punctuate the story without dragging it out into long grotesque sequences.

Rough Waters Abound:

At risk of spoiling too much I’ll simply say that Shutter Island is not a passive watch. With today’s ADD audience it may seem to drag at times and lurch at others, building up to a tragically charged finale. But if you can remain patient and perceptive, trusty notebook and ballpoint pen in hand, you may catch a masterful story unraveling under the surface.

The Expendables

Written by Joe the Revelator

How it started:

Around a table lit by one bare, swaying light bulb, surrounded by guards armed with machineguns and banks of security cameras, a secret writer’s meeting took place. On the table was a half-spilled folder containing files with the following headings; Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger… And they said; How can we bring these men together?

Answer; You can’t. Not believably, at least.

From the onset The Expendables looks like a movie bulging with testosterone and steroids, surrounded by guns, skulls, and fire- a feast of bullets and bombs with more than a sprinkling of blood. But after a few scenes it becomes evident that the most magnanimous achievement of this film is the cast. The cast. The cast. And this point is stressed again and again.

The very jacket of the movie is nothing more than a list of names with the tagline “Choose Your Weapon”, likely implying that the actors themselves are the weapons. Most of the actors don’t even don a role for the film. With the exception of Lundgren and Li, everyone seems to be playing themselves or a culmination of their previous roles. In a moment of levity, Couture even goes so far as to explain his cauliflower ear, a result of rigorous wrestling, which is laughed off by the other men as an old story they’re tired of hearing; possibly from their studio chairs or trailers.

Not to say that the boy’s club, all-star, dream team casts don’t make for good movies. There are plenty of examples of big names or bad-to-the-bone men coming together to kick ass. Dirty Dozen, The Magnificent Seven, Ocean’s Eleven. But each character was given his due by way of clever introduction and dialogue. Unless you know most of the expendables being expended from their earlier work, you’re left watching a bunch of big sweaty guys shooting the ribs out of pirates.

The plot is laid out like a connect-the-dots game. Group of paramilitary mercenaries get hired to do another dirty job. Biggest, most world-weary of the mean men feels sorry and sympathizes over the plight of smaller, less mean men (or women) in a land not their own. They all come together out of a sense of duty, gunfights ensue, one of them is a traitor, the government is corrupt, white people are behind the evil, blah, blah, blah…

With tank treads over guts,

The action is bloody and looks expensive and there’s a lot of fiery death. Bad guys die in cool ways. Knives are thrown. Dudes are punched. Fists are bumped. If you plan on enjoying this movie I would first recommend drinking a beer or ten, and inviting over your friends. The ones who smell like motor oil and locker rooms.