Sunday, August 21, 2011

Revenge of the Bridesmaids (2010)

by DionysusPsyche

Due to sheer boredom and the fact that it got good reviews on Netflix, I decided to give this movie a shot. Now, the last time I watched an ABC family movie was when I was too young to have a choice in leaving the house on a given weekend. Nevertheless, I thought that from a number of positive reviews, and the fact that this is an instantly available movie that this movie would potentially be up my alley.

Abigail (Raven-Symoné) and Parker (Joanna Garcia) return to their small town in Louisiana for a parents' anniversary. While there, they run into their childhood nemesis and their other childhood friend. It turns out that their nemesis/friend Caitlyn McNabb (Virginia Williams) has somehow stolen their friend, Rachel's, (Chryssie Whitehead) boyfriend and is now engaged to marry him. The girls hatch a plan to get close to Caitlyn by becoming bridesmaids and then sabotage her wedding so that she doesn't continue to ruin Rachel's life.

It's confusing as to why these girls who are now "smart, big City girls" suddenly care about their friend Rachel when the three have not talked in ages. They also must be really smart, because it seems that no one expects their crafty plan except Olivia McNabb (Beth Broderick), Caitlyn's mom. Of course, she never liked the girls anyway, and they are whispering really loudly, but never mind that. Olivia is played by Aunt Zelda from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, so obviously, she's on the up and up.

Then there are the typical plot points such as comments that Abigail needs to lose weight and a guy in the vicinity who is PERFECT for Parker and other liquid estrogen fixed with some stupidity that are added to make the movie charming. Also, Rachel won't stop crying. Why is she always crying? Why is she a bridesmaid who is always crying? If she weren't wearing all those bright colors, I would expect her to be wearing a hoody and some dark, Joker-esque drenched eye make up and telling me how she got these scars because she kept cutting herself. "Oh and life is full of pain, but I'm okay guys." If the fiance is so opposed to marrying Caitlyn, then why the hell doesn't he say anything? 

There are more plot points added, and even if those are supposed to be surprising, they're not. No, Abigail, you don't look anything like the person you're trying to dress up like, even with a wig and a hat. Please stop trying, although apparently the characters in this movie are all stupid so you can do whatever you want. Hopefully, the audience won't be hitting themselves in the face right now. Or yelling at the tv, like me.

They McNabbed themselves a bride!

There are a few things that were notable. One thing that is mentioned is how women and men in the deep South are still supposed to be brought up on proper lady and gentlemanly attitudes, and although that is true, I think they took that plus the "these Southern folk that we grew up with are dumb, but we Big Apple girls can outsmart them" too far. The cameos were fun, and it took me literally hours before I fully remembered where I saw the actress who plays Caitlyn (How I Met Your Mother--and now that I told you, I ruined the best thing the movie had going for it, the element of actor surprise).

Another thing I found interesting is how in an ABC Family movie, the movie, while trying to come off as somewhat wholesome fun, has the girls say things like "slut" and "bitch." Even Mean Girls who uses terms like that takes an afterschool special moment where Tina Fey tells the girls not to call each other that because "it makes it okay for guys to say those things." Sadly, that would be too deep and meaningful. In the reviews, the audience said things like, "you can tell it's a Disney movie," and I thought, "I don't remember Ariel saying, 'Damn Sebastian, can't a bitch get all up in the real world where she belongs?' To be fair, I don't think I've tried to memorize that movie since I was 6, and also Ariel wasn't trying to split up Prince Eric and Urs-oh wait, that WAS in the movie!

I'll be honest, there were some moments in the movie that did make me laugh, but over all, I was disappointed, because has Raven-Symoné been in anything recently? It also depresses me because apparently someone has a job of reviewing movies for cash, and here I do my reviews honestly for street cred (oh, and cigarettes, so I guess I do get something).

This movie was not so Raven. It wasn't without some jokes and laughs, but if you want to see a good movie about women screwing each other over, rent Bride Wars. They do a much better job, and it has a more heartfelt ending.

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